Report #4
Daphne Wild
''This is Daphne Wild, reporting for 'Bite me News'. ''
'It has come to out attention, that the murder suspect, responsible for the unfortunate supermarket scalping is in fact a banana that goes by the name of Bandi.He spends a lot of his time swinging in tree's making his favorite war chant. He has been seen biting various innocent fruits, namely banana's and this seems to transmit some ind of virus into the victims, making them animate instead of inanimate. Some of these creatures then go on to join Bandi's colony, and some escape to form their own communities.'
Let the dawn break upon your mind.
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
Monday, 14 February 2011
A Refutation of the Chicken Universe
Xavier T. Dible ... Head Of Philosophy And General Semantics In His Own Parallel Universe.
Dear Prof. Dinkwit, i have been following your career for many years now with great interest and i have been a huge admirer of your methods and discoveries. Your latest blog however concerning the apparent Chicken-based structure of the universe fills me with utter dread. I must take umbrage at your scholarship on this point. Where in fact did you get your supporting data? You see in the accepted science of our day, we have came to the conclusion and this is can be demonstrated with experimentation and absolute clarity, that the universe is in fact a giant hologram, projected from the back of a massive Turtle. This aforementioned Turtle happens to reside in the bedroom of a little girl called Alice.
I find myself from time to time in quiet moments actually being able to hear the giggle of this girl, the haunting laughter of a girl who feeds the Turtle which projects the universe.
So, you see, either i am completely wrong on this one and that i have ingested far too many rare herbs or that you my honourable friend have completely missed the mark with your research.
Yours Holographically Xavier T. Dible
Dear Prof. Dinkwit, i have been following your career for many years now with great interest and i have been a huge admirer of your methods and discoveries. Your latest blog however concerning the apparent Chicken-based structure of the universe fills me with utter dread. I must take umbrage at your scholarship on this point. Where in fact did you get your supporting data? You see in the accepted science of our day, we have came to the conclusion and this is can be demonstrated with experimentation and absolute clarity, that the universe is in fact a giant hologram, projected from the back of a massive Turtle. This aforementioned Turtle happens to reside in the bedroom of a little girl called Alice.
I find myself from time to time in quiet moments actually being able to hear the giggle of this girl, the haunting laughter of a girl who feeds the Turtle which projects the universe.
So, you see, either i am completely wrong on this one and that i have ingested far too many rare herbs or that you my honourable friend have completely missed the mark with your research.
Yours Holographically Xavier T. Dible
The Day the Earth Hatched
Professor Dinkwit-Scientist at Leeds University
Recent studies have confirmed that not only is the world oval, as was once thought spherical, but also that the uinverse, that is, what some lazy scientists at NASA dubbed Dark Matter is actually the insides of a great big chicken.
We were, essentially in effect, passed by a very large chicken. Nobody knows how the chicken got there, or indeed what impregnated it but scientists have theorized that there must be a great big cockerel out there somewhere.
What came first the chicken or the egg? Well,Guess it was the chicken that came..first..
Alan Sugar is expected to sign a very lucrative deal with K.F.C this summer.
I will report more on this later.
Recent studies have confirmed that not only is the world oval, as was once thought spherical, but also that the uinverse, that is, what some lazy scientists at NASA dubbed Dark Matter is actually the insides of a great big chicken.
We were, essentially in effect, passed by a very large chicken. Nobody knows how the chicken got there, or indeed what impregnated it but scientists have theorized that there must be a great big cockerel out there somewhere.
What came first the chicken or the egg? Well,Guess it was the chicken that came..first..
Alan Sugar is expected to sign a very lucrative deal with K.F.C this summer.
I will report more on this later.
Bandi The Banana
Rogue Transmission #No . @!*!
Audible:
Translator:
Greetings my Fruitlings. You are all a fine bunch of fruit. Lovely indeed. Especially the coconuts.
I want to juice you all just gazing at you. My loyal subjects. Gather your teepee's and your tomahawks and together we will wage war on the human farmed fruits, the meek and gentle way of the loam, the vegetable and field. We will seprate the wheat from the chaff and we will peel those who dare to peel and eat us.
Take heed my friends,let me intro-juice you to your future.
Viva la Revolution!
Death to the human! And death to the tomato! They bring me out in a rash!
Rogue Transmission #No . @!*!
Audible:
Translator:
Greetings my Fruitlings. You are all a fine bunch of fruit. Lovely indeed. Especially the coconuts.
I want to juice you all just gazing at you. My loyal subjects. Gather your teepee's and your tomahawks and together we will wage war on the human farmed fruits, the meek and gentle way of the loam, the vegetable and field. We will seprate the wheat from the chaff and we will peel those who dare to peel and eat us.
Take heed my friends,let me intro-juice you to your future.
Viva la Revolution!
Death to the human! And death to the tomato! They bring me out in a rash!
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