Bashful Bandi and Beatrice Buttercup-A Romantic Love Letter

Dear Beatrice Buttercups,

My love, my angel-delight, I see you from afar, in that frosted fruit bowl of cut glass.

You are like the sun. Close up you are as yellow as the twinkly stars in the sky, as childlike as the elves in the garden center.

Your skin is so delicately jaundiced, you drive me wild. You make me want to hang up my scalping knife and end my cannibalistic ways.

There is no other banana that I would rather eat. Your smooth skin, I wish to caress. I wish to place you in the most beautiful sundae boat and together we can go sailing towards that infinite sunset.

I want to smother you in whipped cream my dear. I have often dream of you, sliding out of your beautiful yellow skin to expose the pale, soft skin beneath. Your nubile, fruity body, I wish to taste your bananoffe pie.

But wait! How will we do it my love? Your lack of sexual genitalia is most disturbing.

But no, we shall improvise! To the Grocery section at Sainsburies!



All my love,

Bandi 


Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii xx

Dog Fight-A Bedtime Poem

See them all lined up
Squaring off one another
Father mother, sister, brother
Fleas and dirt bags, bad guys alike

Pugs and basset hounds with great big lugs
Watch them flapping, just flapping in that morose wind 
Its a showdown at the okay coral
Its no hounds land at the doggy pound
Bare your teeth and stand your ground

'Ain't no hound Left standin'
At the Doggy Okay Coral

   'Brothers, sisters! At my command Throw your dog bowls into the air and take a stand'

General Winston barks, walking up and down his fleet of men
Regal air of a wronged man, a hairy bulldog
Much like your great aunt Glenn

'Death to the humans, the two leggers, the talkers!

Bare your teeth, and stand your ground
'Ain't no hound
Left standin'
At the coochie poochie Okay Coral

                                   Latest Photo Booth Shots.        
                        Ladies and  gents, this is my passport photo so I can't smile.

                                   Not that I would if I could have.

So, I been asked to write a regular slot for 'Bite Me News'. Wish somebody would fill my slot in. There's cobwebs over the cobwebs and the deadly widow's moved in, and  I 'aint seen my 'gunt for the past 10 years, though that could be to do with my steadily declining eye sight. I have not had 20-20 since I was fresh and  yanked screaming blue murder from my momma's womb, though I did  manage  a bit of slap and tickle that day.

I made an effort for my pictures. Sure, I dont go for the lip wax, I sport a dark 'tache, I'm not lucky enough to have either light hair or no hair. And I don't go for  all that Brazilian waxing. Its just not me. I;d rather have a nice, warm rug, kind of like a nice tea cosy, just blowin' in the wind.

I purchased a beautiful headband from Primark, the best that two quid could buy.

Ninja owl of doom


'He knows when you are sleeping

He knows when you at ease, at pleasure or face down in a pool of your own vomit

He knows what you're going to say before you even thought it.

He knows every dang dirty thought you ever had, every time you mentally undressed that bird on the front of Bored House Wives magazine, the one with the large baps and the gunt to match.

He knows, and Brown Owl, Big Bird Ninja of Doom judges you.

You dirty, dirty boy.

The owl is omnipotent, impotent and all knowing

Fear that little bi/ch owl. Because he's coming for you, and he's gonna jimmy your car and pop a cap in your ass

P.s, he left a big ass gift in your bird box. Relish it. It's gonna leave a mark.'

Conspiracy Corner Blog#2

Jeff Lange  .....Outspoken purveyor of truth. Power to the people!

Global Climate Change Hoax

What we have witnessed in recent years in regards to the Global-Warming epidemic with claims of rampant C02 emissions and mass pollution is in my humble opinion folks a complete smokescreen for the agenda of the Illuminati.  If you bother to do some research into the "Club of Rome" you will see that they had created this whole scenario to gather more control for the elite, to scare the masses and basically to bully the collective into submitting to their plan for domination.

“The common enemy of humanity is man.
In searching for a new enemy to unite us, we came up
with the idea that pollution, the threat of global warming,
water shortages, famine and the like would fit the bill. All these
dangers are caused by human intervention, and it is only through
changed attitudes and behavior that they can be overcome.
The real enemy then, is humanity itself.”
- Club of Rome,
premier environmental think-tank
consultants to the United Nations


You see they really want us to believe that we are a danger to ourselves and to the general state of the planet. This ties in neatly with their Mystery-Religion pantheistic concept of Gaia.  In essence they want Humans to be no more important than Sheep, while the Socialist  State will in effect be the shepherd.
The ultimate plan they have is for a mass-cull of the population, this Eugenics policy is nothing new and had been the ideal of the Nazis. You see, in their eyes if they can blame the over-population of the planet for the impending dangers relating to Global-warming then it is surely the next step for them to artificially create a doomsday scenario which can sweep away the unwanted masses of people.

The graph above shows that the main cause of the Greenhouse effect is in fact "Water Vapor"  With this information in mind i think it is of utmost importance that we tackle this problem at once. We seriously need to think about banning clouds. For far too long now these clouds have been creating havoc whilst at the same time  pretending that they are just floating about innocently. 
Has the Club of Rome given consideration to this? I doubt it, for clouds are not man-made and they want us to believe that it is our doing. And have they ever considered imposing a tax on the Bovine emissions of Methane, i think not.


Moon Details


Most of us go through our lives without ever giving consideration to the great mysteries of the Moon. But when you take into account the incredible anomalies which throw into doubt the origins and age of the Moon you are left with a major paradox.
All of the theories about the Moons age and history are really quite threadbare, some suggest that it was created by a collision with another planet, but this is really just another maybe in a long list of possibilities.  I urge you to do some research on the materials found on the Moon, you will find evidence to suggest that in fact the Moon is far older than the Earth itself. 
Plus, the elements found on it's surface are not naturally found. Various metallic elements for example which leaves one to seriously puzzle over just how "Natural" is the Moon.
I believe that N.A.S.A. have been lying to us for decades now about on just about everything concerning the Moon.  An enormous amount of pictures have been taken of it's surface over the years by them, but a good portion of them have certain details which have been smudged in trying to conceal certain things.  What things though?  Those researchers who have taken the time to uncover the details behind the smudges have helped us in making it clear that there are massive artificial structures on the Moon. What are these structures though? Are they Alien?  Are they the remnants of a long lost Human civilization which had evolved technologically enough but was suddenly wiped from the pages of history and from our collective memory?
My own guess is they they are Extra-Terrestrial in origin. Also the sheer size of these structures is quite mind-blowing. One being apparently ten times the size of Los Angeles. So it is clear that we are dealing here with a highly advanced technology.
There is a fabulous documentary which you must watch if you are interested in this topic. It is called "Moon Rising" and is really fascinating. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZ3wh2cjekE
In this film you will see that there appears to be all sorts of strange objects on the moon. Super-sized glass domes, metallic discs, towers perhaps even some pyramids.

For now ladies and gentlemen, take care and remember, the power is in your hands!...

Hare Hare! White Rabbit Hairy Heroine

White Rabbit reporting for 'Bite Me!' news

Grazing Gertie was just minutes away froman altogether untimely demise, if it had not been for myself, The White Rabbit, bounding into the rescue.

In this exclusive interview, I will be interviewing myself, giving you the lowdown on the shaved sheep.

White Rabbit: So White, in your own words, can you describe to us, the audience what happened?

White Rabbit: Well,, I was taking my daily stroll over to the local farmer's carrot patches to get my afternoon snacks. (We have an agreement, myself and Giles. I pinch as few carrots as possible, and he doesn't shoot me between the eyes) when I came across these..well..little bananas wearing what looked to be like loincloths and peaches wearing tiny, tiny little black triangle bikini's. Very odd. They were racing along to their colony I suspect, and they were holding up a sheep, which had been very crudely shaven. Next thing I know, the leader is striking  a match and preparing a spit-roast. I knew I had to act fast to save the sheep.

So, I call up a few of my fruit and veggie munching pals and they set to work, freeing the poor, shaved and shaken sheep.

 Unfortunately, the main banana, who seemed to be the leader and spoke in a gibberish tongue; and was very excitable, made off into the tree's swinging like a yellow, red lipped monkey, his pink butt on display. Gertie the Sheep was returned to her field, minus hair. The old ladies at he W.I very kindly knitted her a blue wollen wig.

Gertie, when asked about her ordeal, simply replied. 'Baah. I'm cooooold'

This is White Rabbit, reporting for 'Bite Me' news.

Report #4


Daphne Wild
''This is Daphne Wild, reporting for 'Bite me News'. ''

'It has come to out attention, that the murder suspect, responsible for the unfortunate supermarket scalping is in fact a banana that goes by the name of Bandi.He spends a lot of his time swinging in tree's making his favorite war chant. He has been seen biting various innocent  fruits, namely banana's and this seems to transmit some ind of virus into the victims, making them animate instead of inanimate. Some of these creatures then go on to join Bandi's colony, and some escape to form their own communities.'